Friday, August 5, 2011

The Phoenix

(taken from my creativity blog, Systematic Chaos, written on August 3, 2011)

It's been a long time since the last time I drew something. To be honest, I can't even remember when that time was...

A few months back, I received an e-mail from a woman on a very old art account I used to have when I was much younger. Humouring myself, I clicked on the link. Much to my surprise, this woman had gotten a tattoo of one of my drawings on her arm. It was this one, something I had drawn for my mum back on August 4th, 2003:
I drew it on a whim and showed mum. She loved it so much, so I dedicated it to her. Since then, I've always associated the phoenix with my mother. Little did I know how much of a coincidence this piece of art would hold for my future.

My mother got very sick around this time: August, 2009. I remember visiting her one day in the hospital and seeing a card from one of her sisters, my aunty, there. It was a card with a phoenix on it. My mum struggled a lot throughout her life and in the hospital for 3 months before finally passing away in November of the same year.

My sisters and my step father all talked about getting tattoos to commemorate mum and remember her by. I knew I wanted to get a phoenix over my heart. I just needed the idea.

Finally, today, the idea came. Like most of my ideas, it came out of left field, out of nowhere. The moment it came into my head, I needed to get it out. So I did. An hour after the seed was planted, this is what transpired (one day shy of the 8 year anniversary of my first phoenix drawing to my mother):
My boyfriend and I watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets the other day. In the movie, Dumbledore explains to Harry that phoenix tears have healing capabilities. It all made so much sense. The pool of phoenix tears will sit right over my heart, which is in a constant state of healing. And mum will be perched upon my heart, the phoenix trying to heal my perpetually aching heart.

I don't remember much of how the drawing came to be. To be honest, it felt like I had blanked out... almost as though I was in a trance. I do remember crying, and hurting. After it was all said and done, I felt better. I think there was so much more healing than what the drawing was meaning to give me.

I needed that release.