I miss Skyrim... QQ

I set the backlighting to red when it's Dragon Killing Time.
You don't need to tell me how awesome I am. I know.

So it's week 2 into the semester and I started to miss my beloved Skyrim before I even went back to school. I knew it would turn out like this... and I know, in my heart, it's for the best that I'm not playing Skyrim while in school, but my heart aches for it.

It's really awkward.

It's not that I have an addiction to it or anything. Actually, I don't get really 'addicted' to video games. It shows in the fact that I don't think about playing while at home, alone, studying. But I just feel that during those 3 weeks of my break, we built something special between us, my character and I. We killed so many dragons together. The last battle we had before school was that I killed 2 giants and a mammoth, single-handedly...

I was level 31.

*Sigh*

At least at school I get some geeking in. I'm meeting with some friends later to play MTG (Magic: The Gathering) and I bring my 3DS to school and chip away at LoZ: Ocarina of Time. I'm more excited about StreetPass and collecting puzzle pieces and doing that little adventure game, Find Mii. Simple pleasures... simple pleasures. =P

And in my defense, it's a quick fix before getting back to business. Nya!

<3

My crafts are beginning to get attention!

Last week, I randomly met someone affiliated with a company that organizes LAN gaming events (LAN = Local Area Network). He explained to me that he wants his company to branch out, that he noticed my crafts, and thought he might want to help me out with promoting and selling it. So we met up a few days later to discuss ideas and show my crafts up close.

I think it went well. From what it sounds like, the company would be willing to give me some space to show off my wares. I would just give them a percentage of the item sales.

This is incredibly exciting for me. I've been doing these crafts first because I was bored, but eventually because I loved being creative and figuring out new and exciting ideas. I think it's awesome that someone is willing to give me the opportunity to see where this will go. To be honest, this is what I wanted to eventually be with these crafts. So... I'll keep you posted on how this goes! If it's not successful, it was a shot.

Wish me luck! <3

Dance Dance Revolution

I was thinking a lot about DDR over the weekend. It seems as though the only time I get to play this game anymore is whenever I go to Kelowna or Vancouver. Calgary no longer has a DDR "scene" and the machines are unplayable.

I still very much enjoy it, though. I mean... it's how John and I met and fell in love and all that gushy stuff... so I'm always more than happy to go play with him. :3

Specifically, I was thinking about my skill level as a beginner player and how I must have looked to the more advanced players of the time. These thought processes began as I was watching some beginners play with some curiosity. A long time ago, when the game was newer and popular, my friends and I would bring in a lot of attention, even though I wasn't that good. Over the weekend, we did get some attention, too. It made me wonder if I'm still an inspiration for new players.

I actually find it impressive that our skill level has been relatively steady, considering that we haven't played in so long and haven't kept up with playing. I'm happy to find the game still fun.

My score on a non-stop course. Made it on the leader board,
just under my last high score from maybe 4 years ago.
Glad to see I've still 'got it.' =P

John playing an extra stage.
When you get an 'extra stage,' the speed is preset
and the arrows scroll downward as opposed to
upward, as per usual. You can only get an
extra stage if you AA the last song of a set.

But it exhausts me... I can't believe how much it makes me sweat... bleh. =(

I think when John and I buy a bigger house, we'll have our own arcade... we'll have a nice ITG machine (a game similar to DDR) and whatever else he wants. I don't care. I just want DDR... =)

The Warrior

I'm normally a pretty easy going, calm person. It doesn't take a lot to please me... actually, you could probably compare me to a plant: feed me, water me, pay attention to me once in a while, and I'll be pretty happy.

Anyone who truly knows me knows that I'm very stubborn. I use the stubbornness and fight. Thinking about it, I pride in my ability to fight. People tell me I'm strong and I shrug it off. But I agree... I know I'm strong. I've been through a lot over the years.

Why do I fight? I'm not too sure... I just do it. Sometimes fighting gets me into trouble and hurts people. It pushes people away. It pushed my best friend away.

He went away because I got mad at him. I couldn't tolerate his attitude and disregard for me. I couldn't stand how he would tell me we could get together and then cancel on me. I couldn't stand how he didn't care about our friendship after so long, so I told him so. I told him if he couldn't be a friend to me then he shouldn't a a friend.

And then he went away. He said I changed too much.

He didn't know me that well, I guess...

I miss him a lot. I mourn our friendship even though I told him that it didn't hurt that much... I told him the truth, though: this didn't hurt compared to how much I hurt when I saw the love of my life suffer.

Is that why I'm strong? Because I compare the pain I feel in everyday life to what I felt when I watched my mum die? Everyday pain is insignificant compared to that morning.

Contrary to some belief, I still have emotions. I was telling John how scary it was, though, that I could just hide them on a whim, push back tears and collect myself. I can pretend. I think that's what people see when they tell me I'm strong. But that's not the reason. I don't know the reason.

I have since made new best friends and almost lost them, too. Over the same reasons... but this time, instead of confronting them and fighting, I ran away. I didn't want to lose people I've worked so hard to be close to.

I went through a lot of pain and confusion. I didn't understand why I couldn't just move on and forget about them. I tried hard but those pains always came back. I hate hurting. John suggested that I just ask them what's going on, so I did. I started to fight and I'm not sure why. I fought for what I believed in... our friendship. I didn't feel like throwing it away and moving on all over again. It didn't look good at first... but then in the end, something happened.

I didn't lose my friends. I got a second chance...

Maybe I can learn something from this battle.

The Phoenix

(taken from my creativity blog, Systematic Chaos, written on August 3, 2011)

It's been a long time since the last time I drew something. To be honest, I can't even remember when that time was...

A few months back, I received an e-mail from a woman on a very old art account I used to have when I was much younger. Humouring myself, I clicked on the link. Much to my surprise, this woman had gotten a tattoo of one of my drawings on her arm. It was this one, something I had drawn for my mum back on August 4th, 2003:

I drew it on a whim and showed mum. She loved it so much, so I dedicated it to her. Since then, I've always associated the phoenix with my mother. Little did I know how much of a coincidence this piece of art would hold for my future.

My mother got very sick around this time: August, 2009. I remember visiting her one day in the hospital and seeing a card from one of her sisters, my aunty, there. It was a card with a phoenix on it. My mum struggled a lot throughout her life and in the hospital for 3 months before finally passing away in November of the same year.

My sisters and my step father all talked about getting tattoos to commemorate mum and remember her by. I knew I wanted to get a phoenix over my heart. I just needed the idea.

Finally, today, the idea came. Like most of my ideas, it came out of left field, out of nowhere. The moment it came into my head, I needed to get it out. So I did. An hour after the seed was planted, this is what transpired (one day shy of the 8 year anniversary of my first phoenix drawing to my mother):

My boyfriend and I watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets the other day. In the movie, Dumbledore explains to Harry that phoenix tears have healing capabilities. It all made so much sense. The pool of phoenix tears will sit right over my heart, which is in a constant state of healing. And mum will be perched upon my heart, the phoenix trying to heal my perpetually aching heart.

I don't remember much of how the drawing came to be. To be honest, it felt like I had blanked out... almost as though I was in a trance. I do remember crying, and hurting. After it was all said and done, I felt better. I think there was so much more healing than what the drawing was meaning to give me.


I needed that release.

Letting Go...

All too often, I'm so easily influenced by what other people think of me. I hate being judged. I want to be seen as a great person to my peers, friends, family, boyfriend, but most of all, to complete strangers. First impressions are so important, after all. You never know what chance meeting could be the key to your entire future.

A long time ago, I used to record my progress at ITG through taking videos of the songs I played and posting them online. I did this until someone showed me a video of a girl (someone I didn't even know) playing ITG and was mocking my play style. It hurt to see a complete stranger making fun of me. So I took all the videos down. A few months ago, I made the decision to start taking videos of my progress again (but I try to keep out of the videos as much as possible). I do post the videos on You Tube so that others can watch or whatever. A step in the right direction, I suppose.

I also used to preoccupy myself with keeping tabs on this one girl (another person I don't know) to make sure she wasn't saying anything terrible about me or my family. Knowing damn well she always would say terrible things with no actual facts to back them up, I would read on and I would get so upset. It wasn't until recently that I stopped doing this. Why? Because "ignorance is bliss." Lo and behold, since I started ignoring said person, I've felt a lot better. It was one of the firsts steps I had made in letting go.

I did some soul searching, as often I do when my insides are at some sort of dissonance. I thought critically and rationally. I thought about the quote I had posted and reposted and will repost again now because it's so true (to those who read my blog on a regular basis, I'm sorry if you're sick of this quote... but for me, it's a mantra):

"I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God's," says the self-work teacher Byron Katie in her book, Loving What Is, which deserves to be high on the reading list of anyone who is in a close relationship with an addict. "For me," Katie writes, "the word God means reality. Anything that's out of my control, your control, and everyone else's control-- I call that God's business.
"Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business. When I think, "You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself," I am in your business... I realized that every time in my like that I had felt hurt or lonely, I had been in someone else's business.
"If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is here living mine? We're both over there. Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering why my life doesn't work."

-From the book, "In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Mate

Let those people preoccupy themselves with other peoples' lives. That's their problem. They're feeding off of their own insecurities to make themselves feel better. What matters to me is me. My business, my goals, my aspirations, my journey, my passions... me. Not what others think of me... because what they think or say about me is pseudo-truth. No one knows me like I do. 

Judgement is in human nature. It's prominent in religion. There's probably close to 7 billion people on this planet and I don't know how many different Gods and Goddesses, but... I'll kill myself with stress and worry if I'm constantly monitoring everyone else. So... having said that, I let go of what others think and feel about me. In the big scheme of things, it's unimportant in my little piece of reality.

Pokemon Black: First Impressions

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Pokemon Black and White launched last Sunday, March 6th, and-- as I'm still an elementary school kid at heart-- I picked up a copy of Black. Black and White are completely new Pokemon games, which is where most of the appeal came from to me. I was curious about the new Pokemon, despite seeing the starters and wondering where the inspiration came from to mesh a pig and rabbit together (Tepig) or to make another grass-type lizard starter. Based on the latter, I was also wondering if the Pokemon franchise had anything left. Honestly, how many other Pokemon could you get when you aren't introducing more "types"? And what about naming them? Can the writers of Pokemon really come to surprise us again with this latest installment?

Needless to say, I was more than skeptical. And in ways, I still am.

I only really have time to play Pokemon in a vehicle of some sort (sorry Wheel of Time series... you've been put on the back burner), so I'm about 8 hours in. A huge part of my subconsciousness is reminding me that I'm a 24-year old playing a children's game. I ignore the voice and press on with the game. It starts as all Pokemon games start: the hero(ine) is in his/her bedroom, and the Professor of this town wants him/her to go to the Professor's lab to talk about some exciting news. Happens again here, except now you have a couple of friends along for the ride (no prominent rival as of yet). You each get a starter Pokemon-- great. You each embark on your journey-- awesome. Like every single Pokemon adventure game to date for the Nintendo hand held systems, you're doing the exact same thing: filling up a Pokedex and traveling to eventually beat the Elite Four (I don't count the Ranger games because they're just silly). A huge part of me was hoping it would be different, but why change a good thing? Nintendo was right in their decision not to stray from the beaten path. They did that with Pokemon Ranger and failed. Terribly.

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So, because I spent $40 on the game, I felt obligated to actually try to have fun. The Pokemon I'm encountering aren't imaginative in the least. You have your typical dog, cat, bird, and Bidoof-esque Pokemon that you'll only use as a HM whore later (*Cough*Patrat*Cough*). I'm not impressed... in fact, I'm regretting my purchase more and more.

I get to the first gym, which looks as though it promises some challenge. Depending on your starter, the gym leader will use the opposite, stronger type. Awesome! ...except that you can get a Pokemon that happens to be stronger than the gym leader's Pokemon from some random guy in the Dreamyard. How convenient. So the player lazes through the first gym. Enter the second gym. Oh-- right-- there's a guy who happens to be in every gym to help the hero(ine) with tips on beating the gym leaders. While this happens in every Pokemon game, it's different in Black and White. This adviser not only tells you the leader's weakness, but where exactly to find the Pokemon needed to wipe the floor with the leader's Pokemon. ........Really?!

The voice in the back of my head reminds me again that I'm playing a children's game. Right. So... they dumbed down Pokemon because it's a children's game. For the record, I didn't even use one of the strong, Fighting-type Pokemon suggested by the adviser dude. I whooped Lenora with my Pidove and Patrat, two Pokemon that were at the same level and of the same type as her two Pokemon. *Sigh*

At this point, I had lost pretty much all hope in the game until I started to notice the finer details. The Pokemon in battle are actually animated this time around. One really neat feature in the these latest games is that if you take too long to decide on a move, the screen (set in the point of view of the Trainer) starts to wander. The Pokemon will also wander around in the anticipation of it all. As well, I noticed last night that when an opposing Pokemon gets put to sleep, the eyes close.

I also found it convenient that they just put everything into the Pokemon Center.

The wifi and infrared connections are also nice. This game, like HeartGold and SoulSilver, has IR capabilities. It's a quick and easy way to register friends into your Pal Pad. They also have little things you and friends can do together over the wifi/IR connections-- such as this compatibility test-- which will result in in-game goodies at the end of it. The Xtransceiver tool is also neat. People with a camera and microphone can use it as a cheap Skype-type tool. It will split the top screen for the camera images!

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I also read that you can customize the C Gear screen by downloading various backgrounds and themes. I will have to try that when I have more time.

Maybe not worth $40, but the finer details are still pretty neat.

The only concern I have about the wifi connection in the game ("C Gear") is that it will drain your battery like nobody's business if it's left on. It's easy enough to turn on and off, but even when you close your DS, it continues to run, so one has to be vigilant about the use of the wireless.

As I haven't had much time to play it, I can't say much else yet. I will continue to play it, as I am a devoted Pokemon nerd, but I am really hoping it gets better. I would hate to put it down after 20 hours and never pick it up again. But I suppose that's the nature of a Pokemon game.

(Have you bought Pokemon Black or White? What are some of your first impressions?)

PS: Friend code = 0389 8112 3742